Therapy Thursday: Parenting Tip, Giving Choices

News 9 spoke with Charles Jackson, a licensed therapist with Sunbeam Family Services, who shares parenting advice.

Parenting tip: Helping Behavior By Offering Choices

Therapist Charles Jackson offers the following answers to these questions:

Why is offering children choices important?

“Yeah, well, when you think about it, as adults, we make choices every day, all day, and kids don't really get that opportunity. And they're told what to do and when to do it. And that can be a little overwhelming. They don't really feel like they have any say in things. And so when you can introduce choices into everyday things, they can feel empowered, which can help decrease tantrums. And it can also help with self-esteem, followthrough, and confidence in decision-making.” 

What do you mean by those choices?

“How can we help them choose to do what we want? We're going to introduce choices. And so what I don't mean by offering choices is just open-ended anything goes, you have a limit, let's say you gotta put socks on. So you can you can demand they put that on. And they can say no, and they can dig their heels in and not do it. Or you can switch to: How can I help them choose? So the limit is you're going to put your socks on. And so that might look something like: Hey, it's time to put your socks on! Do you want to start with your left foot or your right foot? Do you want to wear the blue socks? Or the green socks? You have a choice. And then when they decide to do that, then you can say great job. You chose the Red Sox. I'll go grab them for you.”

What if choices don’t work right away?

“For a lot of different reasons, children won't be able to make that choice for themselves. And so you know, my colleagues had been on here before and talked about taking deep breaths and maintaining that calmness. When those difficult situations happen… What you need to remember is, that you're there to guide and to teach, and to not get in that power struggle. Because once that starts, it's just a race to the top. And so taking a step back and taking a breath, and then repeating the choices. And then after a while, if it's not going to work, acknowledge that and say: Looks like I'll have to make the choice for you [...] You have the limit there. And the two positive choices are within that limit. And each choice you can live with, and they get to choose.”

 If you'd like to learn more about Sunbeam Services, visit their website.